i am an opun goal,
pressure points R her/e
and ther, & then sum,
as they say, she
but NO is forever
when it comes
in big letturs.
but gaol is opun,
escapin, 2 my
& clay feet. but her hair
& mine won’t meet,
weeks will pass, years
will pass by. our hairs
no confeshun, no relees,
no lub 2 call mine.
I is sorry 2 have tried once more
to be friens wif U, when will I learn?
All U sais is “whatevar” & “do dis, do dat,”
as if I didn’t lissn 1st, 2nd, 3rd time.
I shall haves 2 fire U in good time, perhaps
2 manies people hurted U will have done,
nondiplomatic kitteh. Der wills be
laws suit, I will havs 2 search da wurld
4 sum1 as good as U, which is fine.
Rite now, I cares not, my hart is
brokun, agen, and I cannots stick
2 point, but - whatevah.
(resumé 4 new viewerz:
cold kitteh cames heres,
fulls of enthuziasm, & udder
-iasms, like charismiasm,
trustworthiasm, & airz
of kindnessiasm, & uf cours,
frenship. my bwains
fell out, i wuz so in lubs
wif strange creature!
gosh! long stori, anywayz,
we fell out.) Aniwayz,
i gaves it anudder try,
so she iz bought me veggie-
tables, birds, long lookies,
& leeve to leave, wud i drive
her to da airport, pweese?
It wuz “nice,” da convershun,
but message da same, as if
tryin to massage it
into sad-kitteh bwain:
“leafs me alone, lets me go,
let me go, elsewheres, alone.”
I saw U todai, again, briefli. Looksin
at me, inexplicably. I saw myself
beein seen: wut light wuz I in?
Wut brand uf televishion screen
wuz I seen in? Wide or narrows?
Didst my hair burn, wuz it
eaten by germs? “All brushing
is bein brushed,” I said, “all sayin is
bein said,” and “always already.”
Yet, evryfing is onli on da verge
uf becomins, as ever. Haltin
spiders keep strugglin, as ever,
treadin da long, narrow corridors
uf imperfekt artikshulation.
Y iz U looksin at me like dat?
Aftah months of loosin me
froms ur body, carefulli,
liek an uncomfy bra, da way
hooman she-kittehs do it,
intricatli, wif great care,
sinse bra-straps R traps,
I am told. Y U iz looks
into my eyes, wif intesiti,
liek dat, all day? I iz happi
and uncomfi and confusd.
I iz stirred and shakun
and strugglins wif myself,
consultins my inner advisor,
unfortunatli on holiday.
I wants 2 embed U into
my reality, not sure abouts
U, wut U wants. A someone
2 drives U home? A fur-stroker?
A broker 4 your home?
Desire drives me 2 Insane,
then to Inane, da city fulls of
horns, hairs, and overly
suspishous kitteh oglers.
OK, I lied. I lied thruf my teef and then sum.
I lied thruf my whiskers and claws and my hair.
Thruf is: I wuz in lubs, badli, like south to north,
da magnetic or battery thingie. Worse, in fact.
I had dreems, reems uf dem, abouts you,
and yes, I had hopes 2 of course. I hads to
shed my entire self 2 gets ovah you. I even
cried liek a hooman, for days. I nearly
spaded myself in despairs, losin hairs
like a stressed-out scholar, whose papurs
left da building, and then sum. I waited
on my self, gave it rashional arguments,
liek “thear can be no bones! not a singul one!”
clear like a crystal, harsh liek a stone, I ruled
“you cannot haves no-one!” to which no-one
responded, there were no replies 2 my
unsaid statements. My hole lifes at stakes,
it felt like, so unscholarli, very unproffeshional,
dis piece uf mind at stake, myself, whatevur
kitteh bwain wuz left, nuffin but shame.
I iz ok. I over-romantic-sized da fing, iz ok
naos. It iz busy-ness as ushual, I iz ready
2 talks naos bout importants fings. Itz ur
mind I iz aftah aftur all, not ur personabul
self, cloistered, a waste on hoomans, a weight
on shoulder not matter-ializin, all that
iz watur - I iz bridge, I keeps playin cards
in da dark. I will settle 4 imperfekt
common-ikashun, a sixths uf ur mind,
ands a “hello-how-r-u?” to boot.